The Replacements
by Visual Trauma
Summary: Xigbar needs a vacation, so he decides to take action. And Yuffie's and Olette's nobodies come into play. Insanity ensues.


Chapter One: The Replacements

Disclaimer:

Ok, ok. So we don't own any of the organization hotties. Hell, we don't even own the ugly ones.

We do, however, own Olexia and Fixia, so deal with it.

For Olette, a normal day for her consisted of going to the usual spot to hang out with Pence and Hayner. They might get some ice cream, maybe play some pranks (which Olette strongly discouraged and often scolded them for), but her day did not usually consist of being killed.

Pondering the great mysteries of the mentality of young boys, and of how much her younger sister resembled such young boys, she was bowled over by none other than Yuffie.

Yuffie looked down at Olette with a goofy smile, and offered her a hand up.

"Ha ha...Sorry about that... Guess I was in a bigger rush than I thought. " Olette smiled back.

"That's quite alright. Don't worry about it." Accepting the offered hand, Olette stood up just as Yuffie walked off. Olette put her hand up to grasp her locket, only, it wasn't there.

She groped around a bit before it finally registered that there was no longer a locket there, than she had, in fact, put it on this morning, and that that weird ninja chick probably had it.

Olette ran through the twisted and often confusing streets of twilight town looking in vain for Yuffie. She was so concentrated on finding her that she didn't notice that there weren't any people out doing errands or whatever those people usually do.

Just as she was rounding the corner onto Market Street, she spotted the culprit. She walked up to Yuffie and stuck her hand out.

"My locket, if you don't mind." Yuffie looked taken aback.

"Your locket? Why would I have it?" Olette looked at her harshly.

"Please, don't play games with me. I'm already late to meet my friends, and you're only making me even more late." Yuffie sighed and was beginning to reach into her pocket for the locket when a feeling came over the both of them. They paused. This particular feeling was the feeling you get when someone much larger than you sneaks up behind you. A few seconds later, they heard a clank. They both turned around very slowly. There in the area behind them, stood a very large and very menacing Twilight Thorn. Yuffie looked at Olette, who was petrified. "Run." She whispered. Olette slowly turned her head with her mouth in a silent scream. The Thorn headed towards them, and was upon them in a matter of paces. Yuffie screamed, "RUN!", and grabbed Olette by the wrist. The two girls ran, just ran. They didn't much pay attention to exactly where they were going, so it's no surprise that they ended up in a dead end. Yuffie got out her kunai and took a fighting stance, while Olette was crumpled against the far wall. Yuffie deftly dodged the first blow by the Thorn and delivered a few hits of her own. Olette looked up, thinking they might actually have a chance. Yuffie turned to make sure Olette was still ok. In that moment, the Thorn struck. Olette screamed and covered her face as Yuffie went flying into the wall. She peeked through the spaces between her fingers. It looked like Yuffie wasn't breathing. She nudged Yuffie. "Hey, wake up." There was no response. "Wake up!" Yuffie opened her eyes, and looked behind Olette. Her eyes got bigger and she screamed. Just as Olette turned, the Twilight Thorn brought it's great fist down on the two of them.

Fixia opened her eyes. She was collapsed on the floor of some alley in some town. She didn't know where she was, or really who she was. Her identity consisted of one word: Fixia. She looked beside her, and there was another girl who opened her eyes as well. She had red eyes and wavy brown hair. She fingered her own hair which was cropped short and was a two-tone of black and blonde. Fixia curled up on herself, hugging her knees. "Who are you?" She asked of he other girl. The girl looked steadily at her. "Olexia." They both turned at the same time to find a young girl of about ten years running up to them, breathing hard.

"Olette, Olette! Mom's been looking for you for the past hour! Where have you been?!"

They both looked at the young girl, who happened to be Adelia, Olette's younger sister.

They put their heads together. "Who is this girl and who is Olette?" Olexia asked Fixia. She shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm hungry. Why don't you pretend to be this girl. I'm now your best friend, ok?"

Olexia looked offended. "Who are you to call yourself my best friend?"

Fixia glared at her. "Well, princess, I happen to be the only one you've got, so let's do this thing!"

They both turned to look back at Adelia. Olexia suddenly adopted a sisterly look and tone.

"Ok, ok. Calm down." They both stood up. Adelia raised her eyebrows.

Olexia turned to Fixia. "This is my friend..." She looked at Fixia with her eyebrows raised.

Fixia panicked "Uh..You...You...Yuffie! Yea! I'm Yuffie!" Adelia shrugged. "Ok, Yuffie. My name's Adelia. Now, let's go!" She stood aside for the two girls to lead the way. They stood there. "What?" Olexia looked at Adelia. Adelia turned red. "Are you telling me you don't even know the way home?!"

Olexia shrugged.

"Oh my God! Olette you are the biggest dumb butt ever! Why do I always have to do EVERYTHING?! I hate you! I don't even know why Mom likes you! You're such a goody-two-shoes!" She screamed. She screamed again, this time, a long, wordless howl full of rage. Clearly, Adelia was not the most mature person around, had a horrible temper, an awfully jealous. She also liked peanut butter and banana smoothies with a side of garlic bread, which the girls could smell from all of five feet away.

Organization Thirteen was having a dinner of their own, in The World That Never Was.

Axel was cracking another one of his horrible potty jokes, and Demyx was once again trying to seduce Larxen, who had ignoring him down to an art form. Xigbar slammed his fork down next to his plate, which was filled with meat loaf, for the fourth night in a row. Sadly, that was the only thing Roxas could cook, and he insisted on perfecting the recipe. "I NEED A VACATION!"

Everyone turned to look at him. He stood there.

"I think you should calm down." Zexion replied, dragging his fork through the meatloaf.

"I think you should eat for once, you anorexic little tart." Axel tried to stifle a giggle.

Xigbar turned to Axel. "And you..."

Axel sat there looking at him. "...your hair is funny." Axel's eyes welled with tears.

"Why does everybody make fun of my hair?! Oh, Maman!" He cried, running out of the hall.

Roxas stood up. "Now why'd you have to do that?! You know how sensitive he is!"

Xigbar sighed. "I'm sorry, dude. It's just so stressing here lately. This negative environment is really harshing my mellow..."

Everybody turned to look at him. "The hell?!" Demyx exclaimed.

Larxen was about to say something when the Twilight Thorn clattered into the room, and threw itself at their feet, sobbing.

They all stared. Demyx stood up and kneeled by the Thorn.

"Aww, what's wrong, Fred?"

Fred look up at Demyx with a mournful face.

"Ah...ah...ah killed two leetil gurlses!"

Vexen smoothly asked, "Two little girls, eh? Were they pretty hot?"

Fred sobbed into the plush carpet. "Dead...dead! Ah killed dem!"

Demyx stroked the armor. "Wait...If he killed them.."

"Ah'm a bad guy! A bad, bad, bad Fred...Fred's going to hell for dis one, for sure..."

"...That means we get two new heartless! Fred! Where did you kill them?"

Fred let out a high keening noise. "They are killded! Dead! Gone..."

Roxas looked at Demyx. "You know, none of this would have happened if you just would have taken him on a proper walk."

Demyx replied, "I know, but that hot chick on MySpace wanted to talk, and she's like never on! Fred needed to pee, and I figured he could handle himself..."

Zexion looked at Demyx. "...She's got the angles."

Demyx paused. "The what?"

Zexion shook his head. "The angles. You know, only a leg, an eye, never the full picture."

Vexen chimed in, "Yea, I keep telling you, it's a he. You're flirting with a man, you gaywad."

Demyx looked offended. "Snow Bunny It's a sunny day is a beautiful girl who deserves someone as great and hunky as me."

Xigbar let out a triumphant 'HA!' and continued, "If Fred killed those two girls, (Fred began that annoying keening thing again) then that means two new heartless can take my place, meaning, I GET A VACATION!"

They all turned to look at him. "That's only one place. That means TWO people can get out of this hellhole."

Roxas jumped on the table. "I claim lovely position for vacation fun number two!"

Zexion snorted, and wine shot out of his nose. He put his hands to his nose and fell out of his chair, yelling something about his nose being invaded by an army of stab-happy needles.

Soon the entire hall was in an uproar, and everyone was fighting for the second vacation spot.

In the end, Roxas did end up winning it, much to the disappointment of everyone else.

Demyx eventually hired Fred a psychiatrist, because he kept crying about the two girls, and they needed to figure out exactly where they died.

Yay!

I'm sorry if there's any misspellings, because it's about 4 A.M., and I'm kind of tired.

We won't add any more chapters until we get some reviews.

So there.

Oh, and this is not entirely my mind-baby. Royce over here is helping me, because my Kingdom Hearts I.Q. is about 5.1.

D: So...

Review the bitch!

3 NiKKi & Royce

(Oh, and We'll have character pics and other little scenes and stuff when I get around to drawing them and shenanigans.)


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